Today I have a mission, a goal if you will, that is very simple. I want to love every person I come in contact with today with the best of my ability. In the show I am doing I am finding it difficult to truely connect with anyone, and due to that I was feeling a bit down last night so I turned to God. And what He said to me spoke down to my soul. He said its basically a test, or at least I got that vibe.... that there is a deeper meaning here. I don't know exactly what the purpose is in this situation but I know that regardless of what happens to me or how these people treat me I am going to love them.
Kindness is a lifestyle that I want to abide in, Joy is a garment I want to lavish in as it touches my skin, being Humble is a mind set that I want to pierce my scalp, and Love is what I want to be. In the likeness of Jesus Christ, I want to live in His presence as I love the world around me. So today I choose to do that :] it seems simple but of course the devil will send troops from his army in the spirit realm to bring me down but I am serving the almighty GOD! That sucker can't do anything to me! And so I will delight myself in the Lord today through His word, meditations of my heart, and praise & worship... and ultimately by loving the world around me. Thank you Jesus. Amen!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
father.
Something over the past few days has been eating away at me and surfacing... not because it was never there until now, but because I believe God is opening up my wounds that I have hidden deep down in my heart ever since I was a child. Thus as an attempt to further my walk with Christ by forgiving my past hurts. And my wound is my dad. I am so blessed that he has given so much to give me the "material" in life and always said 'i love you'.
Yet I want so badly for him to just take time out of his life to want me, to go out of his way to be apart of my life. All he ever does is say "hey son, whats up?" and i say "nothing, im good, im tired, etc." and thats are relationship. That is all. I am so heart broken that my father is like this, that he doesn't even make an attempt to want me...
Ever since the age of 10 my dad has shut off inside, call it going into his own bubble or plainly becoming passive. Either way I needed him. I recently read a book, Wild At Heart, and in the novel one learns of the longing in every man's soul for his father's masculinity to be bestowed upon him. Every boy need a father figure to say "Yes son, you are strong... you have what it takes to be a man." My dad never really said that or hinted that to me. Thus my wound began.
And what rooted from that was my feeling of my parents never accepting me no matter how successful I am; whatever I do will never be enough. I believe one piece of information really struck home with me last night, I can't share it here because I believe it is too personal but I have learned that my father has been doing something the past 20 years that he has never told me about... something he taught me always not to do yet he does it himself. I can't believe it.
So what do I do? When I got in my car last night before I left to go rehearse a show I started crying. I couldn't take it anymore, all this pain I have been feeling let go. Tired, lonely, broken... it gave up. I love my dad and hope the best for him, but all I really can do now is pray for him. I can't deal with it anymore.
Most of all? I have a Father, a true one... right here regarless of what my earthly father does or say. Thank you Lord.
Yet I want so badly for him to just take time out of his life to want me, to go out of his way to be apart of my life. All he ever does is say "hey son, whats up?" and i say "nothing, im good, im tired, etc." and thats are relationship. That is all. I am so heart broken that my father is like this, that he doesn't even make an attempt to want me...
Ever since the age of 10 my dad has shut off inside, call it going into his own bubble or plainly becoming passive. Either way I needed him. I recently read a book, Wild At Heart, and in the novel one learns of the longing in every man's soul for his father's masculinity to be bestowed upon him. Every boy need a father figure to say "Yes son, you are strong... you have what it takes to be a man." My dad never really said that or hinted that to me. Thus my wound began.
And what rooted from that was my feeling of my parents never accepting me no matter how successful I am; whatever I do will never be enough. I believe one piece of information really struck home with me last night, I can't share it here because I believe it is too personal but I have learned that my father has been doing something the past 20 years that he has never told me about... something he taught me always not to do yet he does it himself. I can't believe it.
So what do I do? When I got in my car last night before I left to go rehearse a show I started crying. I couldn't take it anymore, all this pain I have been feeling let go. Tired, lonely, broken... it gave up. I love my dad and hope the best for him, but all I really can do now is pray for him. I can't deal with it anymore.
Most of all? I have a Father, a true one... right here regarless of what my earthly father does or say. Thank you Lord.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Balance In My Day
I was about to start this post with me saying "I am happy right now". But you know what? Feelings do not do me any good. They do not determine the answer or verification of my circumstance; emotions honestly are based off our circumstances & how we feel about them. So as I type this tonight I again feel the unexcusable truth that is my thirst for more of Him. Not in the sense that I am radically pursuing Christ, but in the feeling that I still am not satisfied. Whether that be grandly positive or not exceeds me.
But I believe as I focus on the Lord & what He wants for my life I am taken aback to a place where I am at peace and recieve absolute balance inbetween everything I set my mind to. I feel balance in myself (mind, body, spirit), as well as in my relationships, daily endeavours, dreams, and worshiping God. This vision & comfort I recieve from Jesus as I focus on Him causes me incredible joy and leaves me in utter shock at what an awesome God we serve.
I saw harry potter last night lol Perhaps it is a bit irrelevant since I have not commented or concluded anything in my blog about everything else I do aside from my walk, but I thought it was really good. I enjoyed it immensely and feel so blessed to have known, read, & seemingly been apart of an epic story. Stories like these remind me how wonderful it is to be blessed with such a loving God who gives the world beautiful stories. I lavish myself in stories (movies, books, music) and I know that Jesus loved telling people about God through stories... He knew that people loved to hear them and through that they all take something out of it.
As I read these books I take so much from them that show me who I aspire to be. Harry is a hero, not because he wanted to be... but because he did what it takes to help the ones he loved. He did what needed to be done to save there lives. And I feel like a small boy as my eyes fill with adventure & joy as I watch Harry battle the world of evil.... it all kind of transcends into my own world. I am just a regular boy, born into this world that expects so much from me and who I am. I am constantly on the frontlines in a war that has been raging before Jesus was born. It is tough being a soldier, yet I know one thing. One thing indeed. That the battle may continue, but the war is won. He shall win. Amen.
But I believe as I focus on the Lord & what He wants for my life I am taken aback to a place where I am at peace and recieve absolute balance inbetween everything I set my mind to. I feel balance in myself (mind, body, spirit), as well as in my relationships, daily endeavours, dreams, and worshiping God. This vision & comfort I recieve from Jesus as I focus on Him causes me incredible joy and leaves me in utter shock at what an awesome God we serve.
I saw harry potter last night lol Perhaps it is a bit irrelevant since I have not commented or concluded anything in my blog about everything else I do aside from my walk, but I thought it was really good. I enjoyed it immensely and feel so blessed to have known, read, & seemingly been apart of an epic story. Stories like these remind me how wonderful it is to be blessed with such a loving God who gives the world beautiful stories. I lavish myself in stories (movies, books, music) and I know that Jesus loved telling people about God through stories... He knew that people loved to hear them and through that they all take something out of it.
As I read these books I take so much from them that show me who I aspire to be. Harry is a hero, not because he wanted to be... but because he did what it takes to help the ones he loved. He did what needed to be done to save there lives. And I feel like a small boy as my eyes fill with adventure & joy as I watch Harry battle the world of evil.... it all kind of transcends into my own world. I am just a regular boy, born into this world that expects so much from me and who I am. I am constantly on the frontlines in a war that has been raging before Jesus was born. It is tough being a soldier, yet I know one thing. One thing indeed. That the battle may continue, but the war is won. He shall win. Amen.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
A Rebelion
It is time for me to rebel. Rebel from the life that I have, rebel from society's expectations, from sin's weighing guilt and call over my life. It is time to become radically involved in my relationship with Jesus Christ. He is my best friend :] ha ha I seriously mean that. Lord, You are my all... my everything. I WANT to spend my every second of the rest of eternity walking every single step with you by my side. I want the faith that you are going to be there to help me through any situation and trial I face... and of course You will succeed and help Lord! You are GOD! YOU ARE GOD! ha ha How dare anyone stand against You?
I am just ready for a change. A good change, not the crummy kind that I feel for a week and then sink back into the same whole... oh no. I want to rebel from failure and despair. Man, I am just need You Lord. I am not even making sense when I write this lol. I am going to go read my Bible now ha ha Good Night!
- Zach Gunier
I am just ready for a change. A good change, not the crummy kind that I feel for a week and then sink back into the same whole... oh no. I want to rebel from failure and despair. Man, I am just need You Lord. I am not even making sense when I write this lol. I am going to go read my Bible now ha ha Good Night!
- Zach Gunier
Friday, July 3, 2009
Climbing
Harder and harder, this water I am treading is thickening under my skin. I stop & realize that words are bare and can't fully comprehend the brokeness and alientation I feel. This is my life right now. It sucks... I have a lot of problems with my relationships and time management.
BUT: and this is a big butt :] lol. I understand that all I need is my Lord, my Father is the most important thing in my life and I am vigoriously pursuing the road that he wants me to follow Him down. I LOVE Him. For real, I LOVE Him. I can never stop desiring him or reaching for God beacause there is nothing else to me in the lifetime that is truely worth while except for Him.
Here tonight as I type I am slowly but surely gaining a desire to explore the amazing aspect that is the Lord, my God. I am in awe and reverence as I gaze upon His beautiful majesty. You know what I did last night? I finally went outside into the dark lonely night and layed down at the edge of my driveway, & looked straight up into the sky... into my Father's eyes and his wonders built upon the stars.
This time was a fantastic way to look at my life and decipher where in the world I am heading. And you know, even though I am broken & very ashamed of this brokeness among my peers.... I am beautifully broken. And instead of running into another pool of sin and false lies pleading to love and fulfillment, I am running into the arms of my Father who supplies everyone of my neeeds and more. Father, You are all I need.
- Zach Gunier
BUT: and this is a big butt :] lol. I understand that all I need is my Lord, my Father is the most important thing in my life and I am vigoriously pursuing the road that he wants me to follow Him down. I LOVE Him. For real, I LOVE Him. I can never stop desiring him or reaching for God beacause there is nothing else to me in the lifetime that is truely worth while except for Him.
Here tonight as I type I am slowly but surely gaining a desire to explore the amazing aspect that is the Lord, my God. I am in awe and reverence as I gaze upon His beautiful majesty. You know what I did last night? I finally went outside into the dark lonely night and layed down at the edge of my driveway, & looked straight up into the sky... into my Father's eyes and his wonders built upon the stars.
This time was a fantastic way to look at my life and decipher where in the world I am heading. And you know, even though I am broken & very ashamed of this brokeness among my peers.... I am beautifully broken. And instead of running into another pool of sin and false lies pleading to love and fulfillment, I am running into the arms of my Father who supplies everyone of my neeeds and more. Father, You are all I need.
- Zach Gunier
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A New Start
I think this is a great tool that I am happy to use and include in my everyday life. I have no clue to what extent I will continuely use this place to write down my thoughts, conflicts, aspirations, dreams, and reality... but I am content with the effort put forth for me to even make one.
Cause to be honest, I am not happy with my life right now. I look back and wonder... when did I let go? How did I lose being on top of only allowing the best in my life and accepting nothing but the best to intercede into who I am. Even at the age of 18 I have already read those books, you know the ones that tell you about God's plan and how to live your best life now? (Oh, Joel Osteen... such a wise man). I have hit rock bottom, threatened suicide to my parents at age 13, turned to God, found strength... grew in Christ. I then found out my passion, performing, and followed the Lord all the way through to absolute victory only found in Him. I have experienced joy... pure joy. And for that I am so thankful.
Of course there is still so much more to my story than just those short simple points, but to make things short and sweet... I truely believe I have already committed a wonderful, fullfilling life with Christ. When now I know you can never truely be too content in the Lord, I felt that I had experienced enough.... and in that eventually being stagnant formed & is a common habit in this young man. It is a shameful habit and mocks common man off every facet of this earth. I dislike it very much.
So ultimately I have become lazy and my passion for the Lord, & acting is flickering off a small campfire... when I desire a blazing inferno enduring in my heart. Then brings up the question, how do I set up my heart to recieve such a beautiful gift? Why by obedience, watering of seeds (through the word), and praise to the one and only important person in my life.... God.
Its late and I am tired so I am off to bed :] but I am determinded to record phenomonal truths and secrets into this blog that has marked my life. And ultimately I hope that this walk will help others as much as it will help me.... anyway. Thanks for reading.
- Zach Gunier
Cause to be honest, I am not happy with my life right now. I look back and wonder... when did I let go? How did I lose being on top of only allowing the best in my life and accepting nothing but the best to intercede into who I am. Even at the age of 18 I have already read those books, you know the ones that tell you about God's plan and how to live your best life now? (Oh, Joel Osteen... such a wise man). I have hit rock bottom, threatened suicide to my parents at age 13, turned to God, found strength... grew in Christ. I then found out my passion, performing, and followed the Lord all the way through to absolute victory only found in Him. I have experienced joy... pure joy. And for that I am so thankful.
Of course there is still so much more to my story than just those short simple points, but to make things short and sweet... I truely believe I have already committed a wonderful, fullfilling life with Christ. When now I know you can never truely be too content in the Lord, I felt that I had experienced enough.... and in that eventually being stagnant formed & is a common habit in this young man. It is a shameful habit and mocks common man off every facet of this earth. I dislike it very much.
So ultimately I have become lazy and my passion for the Lord, & acting is flickering off a small campfire... when I desire a blazing inferno enduring in my heart. Then brings up the question, how do I set up my heart to recieve such a beautiful gift? Why by obedience, watering of seeds (through the word), and praise to the one and only important person in my life.... God.
Its late and I am tired so I am off to bed :] but I am determinded to record phenomonal truths and secrets into this blog that has marked my life. And ultimately I hope that this walk will help others as much as it will help me.... anyway. Thanks for reading.
- Zach Gunier
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