Beginning Life Crisis

Humorous title, isn't it? I feel as if I am in a crisis. One which paves the way to my future. My life has changed drastically over the past 6 months and my dreams have followed in that pursuit for change. I read some of these old posts and I am astounded by who I am today... I have become such a different human being from what I used to be! CHANGE. What a scary word, yet totally amazing. CHANGE. UGH! CHANGE. You just kind of have to let it ring of the tongue... or in this case, roll off your fingers. As I begin to type, I have the feeling of not wanting to stop. I want to continue to blurt out everything that is going through my mind, my heart, my soul. Words move me and putting them on here is a delight. Yet I am scared. I am afraid of facing the secrets that abide in me... in my dreams, in my reality. I am fearful that if I keep typing all my treasures and demons will just slowly unveil themselves on this form. Why am I even typing it here? Anyone can read this... and only one of my best friends really reads these anyway. Oh well, enough with my sporadic thoughts. I come here today to give an account of my life, cause to be honest... it has been a long time since I have posted something on here. I am doing well. Working towards my degree and remaing patient in this stagnant growth (meaning I gain my future by staying in one place... in taking classes day in and day out.). I am enjoying the process to the best of my availability and I am excited to see how my summer goes (again, I will be in class all summer! Woo.). I have two jobs... well three if you count Disney. Except I just put in my two weeks so perhaps I only have two jobs now! One seasonal and one main job. It is a blessing to have :] I am very thankful for both of my places that I work and that I am finally reaping the gifts of them both! So glad that the sacrifice of low paying jobs is finally over (hopefully for the rest of my life!). My relationships with my friends have never been better! I don't think I have ever depended and given so much to a group of oustanding people as I have with my current group of friends. Frienship is a large term with many conotations. But what do my friends mean to me today? They are people that I truly love. That I will do just about anything for. I give them advice, I lift them up with inspiration. We laugh, we cry, we ponder the problems in our lives, we offer support for the hardships, and most of all we try our best to have a great time everyday :] Whether it is someone I love down the road or in Canada, the amount of LOVE and support that has come towards me lately by my relationships is phenomonal. Thankful is an understatement. I am humbled in the beautiful reality of my friendships. God has blessed me so much! God! You, you, you. You. I love You. I don't know where to begin or what to say. If I stop and comprehend what you are doing... I am baffled. I am in awe at how grand You are and what You are doing in my life. I am such a mess! I constantly question everything You are doing. And the wonderful thing about my relationship right now is that I am growing right now. Growth. I am leaning on Him for so much more and I have finally let go of everything in my life! (It was a problem I have been facing... but I am thankful that I put my trust in Him now... where it belongs.). Lord, I have so many problems, so many questions, and I am so fearful... but by Your grace I am saved and am taken care of! WHY WORRY!? There is nothing to worry about! God you have it all under control and You know what the best is for me! I need to let go. I Let Go. LET GO... Intimacy. My love life is a battlefield. Thankfully with still the same partner, but man has it been rough. This area of my life has been the most difficult and upseting lately. Love with another human being is one of the most complicated and frustrating things ever... I hate it. Yet it is one of the greatest joys that I have ever encountered. It isn't just the distance either. It is us. It is realizing your entire relationship was built on unrealitic expecations. It is realizing that you have to fully trust the other person or your relationship will fail. It is REALIZING that it doesn't matter what you do... you can not control another person. I can't decide what he wants. I can't read his mind. Love is a marathon. That's why you get tired so fast... you need to pace yourself. I'm exhausted and on the verge of throwing in the towel. I swear the worst pain is having your heart being pierced with fear, rejection, or a break up. Yet I come back for more. This area is probably where most of my troubles are residing... and I pray everyday that things will get better. I just have to remain patient and hope that they will. And lastly comes my relationship with myself. How am I? How are you Zach? It sounds like you are busy, scared, and highly loved. I am great. Because no matter what I face I know that all of it only adds to my existance. I want so desperately to LIVE my life, and I am thankful that I have become the person that goes out and seeks actual circumstances/events/dreams in my life and make them a reality! It's nice to get out of the day dreams and live my life to the fullest. So there it is. My life as of March 28, 2011 at 7:54PM. I've got a long way to go in this life, but I am going to soak up every ounce of it. :] God Bless, Zachary Gunier

2011!

OH MY GOSH. I JUST SPENT 30 MINUTES TYPING UP AN AMAZING BLOG POST AND IT DIDN'T SAVE.


Awe man :[ Well I guess maybe this month I won't post anyting... but it was really good, I promise!

Shoot! haha.

oh well, I hope everyone has a great month! Maybe I'll post again in February!

Love,

Zacharryy