Taking A Stand

I need to take a stand. I need to take a stand in my obedience to my true & only love, God. I fail Him everyday. It kills me inside & my spirit feels the nothingness start to envelop as I succeed in more mischevious deeds. It's like a constant tug-a-war for balance and deciding what is best for my well being. Cause in all honesty, I understand that God is the only thing that truly means everything to me in this life... yet I act now as if He is on hold.

This mind set is wrong in so many ways and I see my faults. I feel the outcome of the decisions I make. It is a rollar coaster of emotions and at times I know God is with me, while other times I feel death inside of me. Nothingness. (Is that even a word?)

I've read the books. I know the teachings. I've studied the word all my life & continue to do today. I know what I am supposed to be doing & I know all the pieces, the signs, the warnings fit. Everything that the Holy Spirit prompts me with is for my own good and I continue to ignore it. Then in the time of need when sin takes me, I cry out to God. Praying the Holy Spirit willl fill me again.

I'm borderline here. I'm playing a double agent. Two cards. I'm reading the books of good & evil and it tears the soul to shreds. One person can only go so long... especially when they know the value of the good (the light) of this world. Goodness is supreme & reigns... yet is difficult to grasp at first and take lots of patience. Darkness is a lie. It is a wonderous lie that tells you something is brilliant beyond all compare... but in the end you are left empty handed. But evil is tasty and gives a momentary, easy high. Good is peaceful & rare to come upon, it is an everlasting high.

I write this and share this with you all today because I understand that I am a sinner. I am a terrible, terrible sinner. I am shrouded in pride & lust. I talk behind other people's backs. I judge everyone I meet, putting them in catagories before I even get to know them... I am a rebelious child in the search for love. While all along I just have to go home & realize love was here all along...



Please pray for me and understand the severity of my words. I speak out as an act of faith. As a public declaration of my stand in Christ.

I talk with Him everyday, yet I miss our intimacy. I love God. I love Him with all of my heart.

Thank you for caring,

Zachary Gunier